WEED, SEED, AND EEYORE'S — WHAT SPROUTS FROM OUR SOIL.
Kevin Curtin on how to grow pot, Jennymarie Jemison on details that matter. Fun times on the weekend.
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THE GROUND ON WHICH WE STAND
Gardening in Austin is not easy. We don’t have the lush hydrangeas of Houston, the plump succulents of California, the peonies of the Pacific Northwest. We do have a lot of prickly pear. Agave. Nandina. Wildflowers that can endure the sizzle of our roadways. You have to be tough to grow here. You also have to be happy in an alkaline soil, a heavy clay soil, or barely any soil at all if you live on the caliche side of I-35. But gardening has been one of my greatest joys in the almost 20 years I’ve lived in this town, and in those two decades, I learned how to do it without that much effort. It’s what I call the Joy Max Method, a fusion of no-till gardening, companion planting, and incorporation of native plants and seeds that do well in our increasingly challenging climate.
So many people tell me they tried gardening, their crops failed, and they were so discouraged they never tried again. But here’s the deal — all gardeners fail. It’s part of the process. And what you can’t know until you have failed is that you probably were set up to fail. Try planting a hydrangea here. Try growing a bunker crop of beefsteak tomatoes. Better to know that our soil can’t support acid-loving hydrangeas and that our summers are too hot to get huge crops of giant tomatoes, as the plants go mostly dormant when the average temps go over 85º. Better to plant purple coneflower (Echinacea purpurea),a drought tolerant Texas native perennial, along with a trusted variety of cherry tomato with a spot in afternoon shade, to keep those tomatoes coming. Grow some basils alongside those tomatoes. This summer, if you grow nothing else, plant some zinnias. Put your yard on the map for all the pollinators.
I’ve written a guide, which works no matter how much space you have. I’ve also put together a bunch of starter seed collections, the varieties chosen for ease of growing in hot summers and mild winters as well as for beauty and taste. You can find all this at joymaxjardin.com, which started as an instagram account in 2019 and took off when the pandemic hit. With the hashtag “Stay Home Garden Club” we built an online community of gardeners — many entirely new — along with folks who had grown food but never flowers. If you are the least bit garden-curious, give it a try!
What I’ve learned keeps me active and connected to both my human neighbors (always extra bounty for them) and my backyard’s many tiny creatures (did you know those little anole lizards have territories of only about 12 square feet?). The practice nourishes spiritual, physical, and emotional life. The garden is my safe place, my ritual, and sharing that joy is how I contribute. And if you can garden here, you can garden anywhere. So let’s get growing!
Jennymarie Jemison is a graphic designer & creative director in Austin, Texas. She designed the Yoga with Adriene logo and the branding for the South Terminal / ABIA.
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PUTTING YOUR HANDS IN THE DIRT
“We have given up the understanding — dropped it out of our language and so out of our thought — that we and our country create one another, depend on one another, are literally part of one another; that our land passes in and out of our bodies just as our bodies pass in and out of our land; that as we and our land are part of one another, so all who are neighbors here, human and plant and animal, are part of one another, and so cannot possible flourish alone; that, therefore, our culture must be our response to our place, our culture and our place are images of each other and inseperable from each other, and so neither can be better than the other.” Wendell Barry, The Unsettling of America, 1977
Wendell Berry’s eloquence was lost on me until well into adulthood, as my first experience interacting with the land was as the free labor on the family farm. But eventually something took root, and when Kristin and I finally moved into a home with a yard I started planting produce and haven’t stopped since.
The less I see gardening as a series of chores, the more meditative it becomes. Plants require care, and being overly ambitious can quickly kill the buzz, especially as the summer heats up.
Three keys to happiness in the heat:
Winnow the effort. Work during the cusp of the day, it’s easier on the plants and easier on you. Mornings are best for thinning, harvesting, weeding and watering. Evenings are when the bugs come out, when I can see what’s joined me in the space I’ve cultivated. That’s also when I use sprays like neem oil, which can scald a plant if the sun hits it.
Share your yield with the neighbors. Furry, feathered and otherwise. For years I waged a constant battle against Mr. Squirrel, at one point even setting up a perimeter of carpet tack strips. A tiny spike-filled torture terrain. Then I watched as a juvenile squirrel meticulously tip toed to the tomatoes and went to town. I realized that for them, getting something to eat is life and death. For me it’s a treat. I also realized that we usually end up with more than enough of whatever crop is under siege, so why fret.
Work with the season. I do the heaviest maintenance in the fall and spring, when temperatures are tolerable, and pretty much stop doing anything that takes more than an hour from mid-July to Labor Day. Okra loves the heat, little else does, but the eggplant, peppers and tomatoes will pop back for a second run in the fall.
Alan Berg, Publisher
Now on to the Kevin Curtin experiment….
NOTHING HITS LIKE HOMEGROWN: A Motivational Guide to Growing Weed in Austin.
In our gardens, we are Gods: seeding the earth, nurturing life, conjuring rain, eradicating cults of aphids and mites, bringing food and beauty into existence. This is our dominion – so fuck yes I want to grow some weed in mine.
Let’s strategize.
The modern cultivation community is tremendously scientific and specialized and I’m not part of it. I’m just a writer with a lifelong love of weed, who likes to get his hands dirty (with plant resin). If you’re looking for expertise, read this masterpiece. The following is at best a primer and, more so, a motivational guide for the curious stoner. What I hope to impart is the notion that you can easily DIY a personal amount of cannabis and have fun doing it. All you need to think about are seeds, soil, fertilization, water, light, pests, and perhaps a bit of illusion.
Wait… ILLUSION?
Austin is tolerant towards marijuana. So much so that the state’s fraud-indicted attorney general is suing the city over its relaxed weed laws. Still, you probably want to grow your ganja in a place where only your friends can see it. A plant or two might blend in alright if surrounded by tall vegetation like tomatoes, beanstalks, or maybe some of those vertical trellis of cucumbers you’ve been meaning to try out. Additionally, this could be an opportunity for you to be a master of disguise. I’ve seen people affix fake flowers to their plants, but what about putting a tomato cage around your weed and dangling little fake tomatoes from it? Neighbors will think you have some exotic heirloom tomato plant… at least until the sweet stank of the flowering stage blows your cover.
Seeds
Marijuana seeds used to be illegal in non-recreational states and reputable seed banks wouldn’t ship to Texas, but the federal legalization of hemp in 2018 confused the matter (since seeds themselves contain less than .03% THC) and now they’re easier to order than a legit iPhone charger.
Buy from a quality seed bank like Royal Queen or Seed Supreme because genetics are important. For Austin folks new to the game, I recommend getting autoflower strains, which mature quickly and go from vegetative stage to flowering based on age, not the light cycle. Generally, any autoflower seeds you buy are feminized. Autos don’t yield as much as regular photoperoid strains, but you can grow them fast in the spring and fall, outside of the hot months in Texas that will punish your plants.
Once you have your seeds, germinate them. You probably remember how to do this from a sixth grade science class. Soak them in spring water for a day, then pour them into a folded up paper towel and keep it moist in a dark space for a few more days until they crack open and a taproot pops out. Then you transfer the seedling to a small container of soil (or whatever grow medium you prefer) and keep them under light for 18-24 hours a day until they’re ready to be transplanted.
Soil
After a few weeks, transplant your young plant to a big ol’ pot (I like the inexpensive 20 gallon fabric pots that prevent root circling) and move it outside. From here forward, quality soil is super important. Living soil is the pro-move, but you can get away with just using some nice organic potting soil with some perlite mixed in to help drainage. The most important thing is making sure your soil has a pH between 6 and 7. PH meters cost less than a breakfast taco so you have no reason to cheap out on this step.
Water and Nutrients
Water your plants delicately when they are seedlings, then water thoroughly and evenly when they’re in vegetative stage. They’ll need the most water when they start flowering and then people often decrease water during the late-flowering stage so the plant uses up its remaining nutrients and the buds taste pure. Don’t overwater or you might get the dreaded root rot. A primitive method of checking if it needs water is sticking your finger into the soil down to the second knuckle and only watering it if the soil down there is dry.
Unless you have some brilliant living soil blend, you should be feeding your weed plant with nutrients. The macro-nutrients in soil are nitrogen (N), phosphorus (P) and potassium (K) and the NPK ratio is on the label of any nutrient bottle you buy at any garden store or headshop, like Planet K in Austin. Find feeding charts, specific to each stage of the plant’s life, online and use that as a guide. If you don’t want to spring for nutrients, you can make top dressings from compost and there are plenty of YouTube tutorials to hit the ratios. Whatever you do, don’t buy basic-ass grocery store nutrients: Miracle Grow = Miracle No!
Light Exposure
Traditional photoperoid cannabis starts to flower when there’s 12 hours of daylight, which occurs in late March and late September in Austin. Autoflower varieties will bud out in a couple months, regardless of light cycle. Obviously, if you’re growing indoors, you can control the light, but really who in Austin has an extra room in their house that they can afford to use for weed?
Plant Health
Check on your little buddies everyday and if they are looking hit-up, inspect for evidence of pests – which are a common issue with growing weed. The main culprits, from what I know, are aphids, spider mites, and whiteflies that go to town on the greenery, plus slugs and larvae that fuck up your soil. It’s good to keep some neem oil, a natural pesticide, on hand for the leaf eaters and some beneficial nematodes, which you put into the soil, where they act as parasites on the bad larvae.
Enjoy Your Homegrown Weed
When your weed plant is done budding, you have to dry it and cure it. The easiest way to do that is to pull the whole plant out, and hang it upside down in a temperate dark space for up to a week, until it’s dry. Then trim all the leafy stuff off the buds and cure them in an airtight jar for two to four weeks so it develops a great flavor. A lot of people recommend opening the jars once a day during the first week to let oxygen in and moisture out. Disgustingly, this practice is called “burping.” Finally, what you’re going to want to do is roll up a big joint, take it into your garden, light it up, and reflect on how lucky we are that of all possible planets, we were born on the one that has marijuana.
Kevin Curtin is a journalist, musician, and media-personality who writes the Austin Chronic column in the Austin Chronicle.
EEYORE’S BIRTHDAY
One of the city’s oldest tribal gatherings, Eeyore’s Birthday, happens Saturday at Peace Park, a scene perfectly described a few years back by Pierre Bertrand in the Austin American-Statesman.
“… eclectic crowds, colorful costumes, carnival games, laid-back vibe, people in body paint and throbbing, undulating drum circles. During the all-day party, Pease Park takes on the allure of Woodstock.” Austin American-Statesman, April 28, 2011
Lloyd Birdwell and several friends started Eeyore’s in 1964, when they were students at The University of Texas
“Birdwell requisitioned a pony cart from his parents, strapped red balloons to it, raised a banner, and the annual party was born. Fliers were made and invitation letters sent…the festive spirit of this particular invitation, which promised music, special entertainment and ‘suitable free beverage, such as beer,’ inspired hundreds to show up.” Austin American-Statesman, April 28, 2011
The first celebrations were only a few hours long, tame enough that Lady Bird Johnson even dropped by.
But fairly quickly Eeyores began reflecting Austin’s counterculture, filled with people expressing themselves in also sorts of ways, and in 1983 the City Council decided it was time to step in, citing the “large number of costumed partygoers jamming traffic and producing tons of refuse.” Organizers were forced to pull a permit. Today it’s staged by the Friends of the Forest Foundation, which distributes proceeds to a variety of local nonprofits.
A few suggestions, along with the strong encouragement to head over and tap into the weird.
Don’t drive. For so many reasons.
Know you’re likely to see almost anything, and if you’re bringing the kiddos…well, have your answers ready because the questions will be coming.
Bring a drum. Join a circle. Let it all go.
Fly your flag. Throw on some body paint, make a costume, call it art.
The Friends of the Forest website covers what else you need to know.
MORE THIS WEEKEND
Austin Psych Fest- 4/26-4/28: The Far Out Lounge
3 days of psych/indie/dream rock, including Courtney Barnett, Chicano Batman, Kurt Vile and loads more.Austin Blues Festival -4/27-28: Moody Amphitheater at Waterloo Park
Blues legends and rising stars in the heart of downtown - Plus, Big Henry’s vintage records pop-up.#AllMyFriendsRDJs- 4/26: Halcyon Mueller from 9PM-2AM
18+, $10 at the door. Sounds include latin, techno, jungle, jersey club, rnb, rap.. hardcore dance… “basically anything you’d find on a baddie’s playlist.”Begonia Society Sale - 4/27: Tillery Street Plant Co. 11AM-4PM
Come out for drinks, exotic plants, trades, and vendors from all around! Can’t make it on Saturday? Tillery Street is offering our readers 10% off Thursday - Sunday of this week with code “Happy Heat” at check out!
Go see something, tell us about it, we’ll share more stories next week.
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